with your own penis?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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