If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
