He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize