Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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