God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize