someone threw a dead crab at me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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