2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize