she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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