I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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