so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize