my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize