Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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