No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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