Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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