my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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