Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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