i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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