matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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