the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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