hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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