I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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