I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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