I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
