i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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