Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
FUCK WHALES
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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