Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize