btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize