maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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