can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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