There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize