OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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