You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize