and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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