shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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