I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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