So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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