I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize