This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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