What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize