mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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