Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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