I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize