can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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