How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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