dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
