I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize