I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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