Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize