Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
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Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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