I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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